Do you wake up each morning wondering what sort of conflicts you are going to fall into with your aging parent? If every day seems fraught with conversations that leave you feeling frustrated, maybe it’s time for you to try something new! Help both of you break out of the rut you are caught in with these expert communication tips for easing tensions with an aging parent.

• Use positive reinforcement: Even the smallest triumphs are worth celebrating. If they agree to try a new safety device or accept help for the first time, recognize their openness and thank them. Positive reinforcement can encourage more flexibility later on.
• Use “we” instead of “you”: Statements that begin with “You need to…” or “You should…” can feel accusatory, regardless of if your intentions are good. Instead, use inclusive language that emphasizes teamwork. Saying, “We can figure this out together,” or “Let’s find a way to make things easier for both of us,” can make the conversation feel less like an attack and more like a partnership.
• Pick the right moment: Timing matters. Rather than springing a sensitive topic on them during a busy or stressful moment, choose a time when you both are relaxed and calm. A quiet afternoon over coffee or a relaxed evening can set the tone for a more constructive discussion.
• Be prepared to listen: Sometimes, what seems like stubbornness is actually a plea to be heard. Ask open-ended questions like, “What has been worrying you most lately?” or “How do you feel about this idea?” Then, really pay attention to their answers. Offering them space to talk about their thoughts and fears can make them more open to hearing yours.
• Focus on their goals: Your parent might resist your suggestions if they believe they’re losing control over their life. Rather than framing the conversation around what you think is best, focus on what is important to them. For example, if they love their garden but struggle to maintain it, you could say, “I know how much you enjoy gardening. Let’s find a way to keep it manageable so you can keep doing what you love.”
• Begin with empathy: Before diving into the “what” of the disagreement, see if you can understand the “why” behind it. Are they feeling scared, embarrassed, or overwhelmed? For example, declining physical abilities or needing help can feel like a loss of independence. Starting with empathy (“I know this must feel frustrating for you”) can soften their defenses and show you’re on their side, not against them.
• Stay calm, even when it is hard: Conversations can quickly escalate if frustration bubbles over. If your parent becomes angry or defensive, resist the urge to match their tone. Stay calm and patient, even when it means stopping and revisiting the conversation later. Your steady demeanor can help de-escalate tension and keep the discussion productive.
• Bring in trusted voices: If the topic is particularly sensitive, consider involving someone your parent respects, like a health care provider, pastor, or trusted family friend. Hearing advice from someone other than you can sometimes make it easier for them to process and accept.
• Offer options: No one likes feeling forced into a choice. Whenever feasible, present options rather than ultimatums. For example, instead of saying, “You have to get help around the house,” try, “Would you prefer someone to come several hours a week or just for specific chores?” This approach gives them a feeling of control while still addressing the problem.

How In-Home Care Can Help

A caregiver from Traditions Home Health Services quickly becomes a trusted companion for an older adult. This allows you to step back from caregiving obligations and get back to enjoying quality time with your parent. We’re delighted to serve seniors throughout Boston, North Shore, South Shore, and the surrounding areas in Eastern Massachusetts, with live-in care services available throughout New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine, and Massachusetts. Give us a call at 617-376-3711 for a free in-home consultation, any time.